She hits the nail on the head. We all mess up. We need to be accountable. We need to understand things change and we need to own up to our own mess. I’ll just let her say it because she’s awesome!
I’ve been hemming and hawing over this, but I do plan to post my old problematic blog posts and shake my head at all the stupid things I said. It’s kind of embarrassing, but it needs to be pointed out.
One of the reasons I quit blogging when my child was born was the anxiety. I was seeing the world in a negative light and with the comments my blog received being downright racist and abusive, I just didn’t want to deal with it anymore. It was dehumanizing.
I’m noticing in the world with access to people’s real thoughts as they feel comfortable sharing them while hiding behind a computer screen; people are awful. The idea that people are inherently good is no longer a reality for me. Tied in with the 24 hour news cycle of constant negative information, especially for people of color, and the inability of Facebook and Twitter to keep racism, sexism, and downright abuse off of their platform, I get anxiety.
I’ve learned that as a black women, I am truly alone in this world. White people hate black people. Asian, Hispanic, and middle eastern people hate black people. They say we deserve to get shot. They celebrate our failures, and I’m learning black men don’t like black women.
I used to get annoyed when non black people in real life would share stories about how racist their families were and would want my reaction. Some kind of suffer porn as they shared these stories for no reason except to see my reaction, while not mentioning what they did to resolve the racism they saw firsthand. Because they probably didn’t do anything.
That is Facebook for me right now, except it’s just the whole world sharing awful things for no real reason. I’m guilty of this as well. Most of us are. We need to stop. It’s become too much.
I always knew this, but to be exposed to it on a 24/7 cycle is unnerving.
So I’m giving myself a challenge. An ode to self care. I’m going to leave facebook for two weeks. I’m going to step away from twitter and the news. I’m going to focus on ideas I have for my blog. I’m going to focus “fun things” like discussions about purses. I don’t want to hear anything about Trump, racism, or any other type of awful thing.
I realize it’s selfish and I should be aware of the world, but my problem is I’m too aware. I want to track how I feel about things with and without access to news. Will I still be uptight and anxious as I see once again people informing me my life has less value due to my skin color? Will I stop feeling helpless? These are things I need to learn and understand. I think stepping away from the 24 hour news cycle and politics on social media will give me somewhat of a breather from all the negative things.
Let’s hope anyway.
As a child, whenever I went to my grandmother’s house, I would always see two pictures. One was JFK. One was MLK.
Martin Luther King, Jr. is a patron saint in the black community. He laid his life on the line and was assassinated for fighting for our rights. He’s been made an essential deity in the black community. Over the last few years, some of us have learned to discern fact from fiction when it comes to MLK, but no one disputes his impact on the Civil Rights Movement. He helped black people just not nationally, but GLOBALLY. The Civil Rights Movement led to the 1965 Immigration Act, which finally allowed black people from all over the world, the ability to enter the United States, and got rid of the quota system that favored white Europeans.
Now whites feel they need to be protected. The centuries of favoritism are coming to an end in America. They can no longer call people racial slurs and keep their jobs. Black people can have the jobs they have and can move into their neighborhoods with no one to stop them. Hispanic people sometimes speak Spanish in front of them. They feel threatened by the fact their population growth has slowed, but other groups have not, and now there is a “browning” of America. They feel disrespected. They can’t even do a proper lynching like they used to without repercussion.*
So here comes their messiah, Donald J. Trump. He grabs private parts. He tells them “America First!”. He tells them to punch dissenters and protesters. He sees the good side of Nazis and White Nationalists. He is going to make the darker skinned people pay and restore America to the time where white people were on top!*
He tells his white base what they want to hear. He is their champion. He tells them he’s going to get rid of all the illegals.* He’s bringing back coal! He’s bringing back jobs! He’s going to fix the economy! He’s going to make the rest of the world pay their fair share! That’s what he says.
The problem is all his promises are empty. His cabinet is a revolving door. He’s lying straight to the American public’s face. His fans see this, but they don’t care, because they feel he restores the order of all things white in America.
The problem is, he doesn’t. His fan base has become so emboldened, they spew and act upon racist nonsense and think they can get away with it like they used to. They can’t, and many of them still haven’t figured out, we are not our grandparents or our parents. We never had to drink from a separate water fountain or go to separate schools. We are a little freer than they are, so we’re fighting back. We have the technology to record the nonsense, instantly share it, and track you down.
Your messiah is the sword you want to fall on, fall away. Hurt yourselves for your white principles. Your MLK is trashier, nastier, and weaker than ours on his worst day. He’s not going to win and we will celebrate his failure.
*Unless you’re a police officer, then kill away!
*He’s also going to make poor white people pay, but their hatred for minorities clouds their views, so they don’t care.
*He embraces internment camps for those seeking asylum legally in America.
This post is a flashback from 2005. That was SOOOOOO long ago!
Things have changed for the better (Yay same sex marriage!…for now), but racism is still here just lingering.
Today at work, a co-worker was telling me that she doesn’t understand why black people don’t get over slavery. I was wondering what the hell she meant by that. She wanted me to be aware that slavery occurred in Africa by Africans. As if I didn’t learn about slavery at all. I asked her did that make slavery right here? Did that eradicate all wrongdoing in America because other black people did it? We could use that rationale with child prostitution in Asia, just because it is overlooked there, doesn’t mean it is ok to do in America!!!!
I then asked her if she thinks that is what black people are truly mad about? She thought it was. I had to explain to my white co-worker that slavery didn’t end racism, and legalized racism didn’t end until the 1960s (segregation, Jim Crow). I did this by explaining when my father went to college he couldn’t go to Texas A&M because they didn’t allow colored folk, instead he went to Prairie View A&M. I asked her was segregation and Jim Crow Laws ok? She said no. She did feel that she shouldn’t be persecuted because she wasn’t born in that time. I insisted I shouldn’t be persecuted either, it shouldn’t be assumed I am poor, uneducated, or treated differently because of perceptions white people have about blacks. Because many whites have these perceptions, they treat me differently, even though they might not outwardly hate blacks they perceive me as a “lesser person”. Case and point I had a woman with a degree in PE inform me of how the government works and how the states and federal government work together. I had to inform her I was probably well more aware of this than she was, my degree is in Public Administration. Nothing but government, stats, and accounting. Trust me I know how to budget a city, a state, and a federal agency. I didn’t need her help on the procedures of state and federal government. But obviously being black, I wouldn’t understand such complex things, like state rights. I need the PE girl to explain it to me.
I wonder if white people honestly think racism died because slavery and Jim Crow did. I asked my white reference, my husband, and he said no, but since it is obvious, a lot of white people think black people read too much into stuff. I personally think it has to do with the fact that black people always have to second guess actions by whites. Since it isn’t acceptable to be outwardly racist anymore, even though the feelings are there consciously or sub-consciously, it doesn’t mean they don’t exist and don’t manifest themselves in different ways. Instead of lynching people, you don’t promote qualified blacks into better paying jobs, instead you choose your white buddy, who might not have the experience, but looks like you. You justify anger towards blacks by saying we get jobs “handed to us” due to affirmative action, even though the biggest minority that “benefits” is white women (yes women, white, black, brown yellow, are minorities per the EEOC).
Then she had the audacity to compare her not being able to get married to her partner to being black in america. Again I had to remind her of one thing. My color can’t be hidden, and not that she should hide her sexual orientation, but she has a choice to let people know or not. I asked her when was the last time an apartment or home she was looking at became unavailable when the person renting or selling saw her in person, but on the phone a few hours before it was available. Or how security will follow me around in a store I supposedly don’t belong in. Or how whenever I get a traffic ticket, it takes three police cars to issue it, and it takes then ten minutes to run warrants based upon my driver’s license and vehicle, and since that isn’t good enough I need to give them a detailed history of the vehicle, such as where it is bought and how much I paid for it. Mind you I have never been to jail, nor do I have a criminal record, but I am treated like a criminal all the time, be it by police, a store salesperson, or just an old lady walking in the mall clutching her purse.
I think most people white, black, brown, yellow, are racist, but it doesn’t make it right, I just wish people would acknowledge their feelings so I know whether to avoid you like the plague, because I am honestly tired defending someone’s right to be pissed off, again be pissed off, not use color or lack there of as an excuse for their shortcomings.
I don’t know how many people are aware of this: It’s possible to have an attraction to black people, yet hold racist beliefs about black people. You can find a black person you find attractive, loving, and perfect for you; yet still have disdain for black people as a whole. I use Strom Thurmond as a perfect example. A white man who spent his whole political career fighting for segregation while having a half black child who he kept hidden.
Our newest example of this is Justin McClure, the father of the internet famous McClure Twins. Tweets have resurfaced of his views of black women and black men. He seems to think black women are ghetto, have awful names, and cannot pronounce simple words. He thinks black men are incapable of being intellectuals and are animals.
I’ll just provide the screenshots taken and posted on MadameNoire.com from this twitter account:
There is also an interesting blog post he made about black men….on a black about interracial dating.
“Black and Spanish men lifting weights on the corner don’t even know who Anderson Cooper is, but they hope he buys their new mix tape.”
It seems he is under the impression black men are incapable of being intelligent.
Of course also in the same post, he is under the impression to fix racism we need to just make more mixed children.
Now apparently this highly intellectual white man is a recovering alcoholic and failed comedian. What makes him more of an intellectual than a black man lifting weights?
His blog was about interracial dating, and obviously, he is married to a black woman and has biracial children. I find it odd he had such disdain for black women, yet his wife is black. His wife is Nigerian. It explains a lot. White people in America love to pretend blacks directly from the continent of Africa are better than regular “American blacks”. They are smarter, more intelligent, and would never name their kids “Allergies”.
Many Africans have also fallen for this idea. I suspect his wife is one. She was fine with him talking about black American women, it probably didn’t bother her, and so she shrugged off his awful behavior. It’s going to be sad for her when people start lumping her biracial American girls as the same black women he was talking about in those tweets.
There has been an apology made. The argument made though is “it was the past, so it’s time to move on.” Some of these were made during a time he was in a relationship with his now wife. Some of these tweets were made when his children were born. So has he really changed? Has his family given him perspective? Or has his social media career been so focused on his kids and targeting the huge black woman audience that he wants us all to forgive and forget and just focus on the kids? I also want to add the wife was more concerned about branding “everything racist” and then goes on to imply that he couldn’t be racist because he is married to a black woman and has biracial kids.
Again I will say it: Having a black partner doesn’t absolve you of racism. Case and point:
It seems at a minimum it was there just to appease his audience, but really he didn’t want to do it. If he did he would have deleted those tweets years ago or at least addressed them before he was exposed on Twitter.
Now I admit my patience is thin when it comes to race relations in the United States; however, why is it always expected for black people, in particular, black women to be the bigger people and “move on” from awful, stereotypical rhetoric thrown at them? We are always expected to “get over things” and I know for me personally, I’m done “getting over things”. It’s time to hit these people where it hurts, cut them off and move on to the next cute thing.
Black women need to stop being punching bags and we need to stop supporting the people doing the punching, especially just because they made an exception to their own rules.
“To be a Negro in this country and to be relatively conscious is to be in a rage almost all the time.”
-James Baldwin
We’re living in some dark times here in America. Black folks can’t even mow a lawn or swim in a pool without white people trying to have them thrown in jail. The current vitriol and hate that permeates our politics have us looking sideways at folks. I totally get it. My husband is pretty convinced that if I were single now I probably wouldn’t date a white person and to be fair, I don’t know if I could date a white person in the age of Trump. We have to look at this rationally though.
We have to remember:
#notallwhitepeople
There are a few ways to navigate interracial relationships and thrive in the relationship and dating world.
Determine what you want in a relationship.
You might be wanting nothing serious so that you are ok with dating a white guy without vetting him because you know good and well you don’t want a relationship with anyone. He just might be cute. That’s ok. If you are looking for something more serious, you might want to have some questions you need to ask to see if this would work out for you. The last thing you need is to deal with a man who is going to be ok with your future children being called racial slurs under the guise of building character. Or not seeing the big deal with they are discriminated against.
Draw your line in the sand for what you are comfortable with dealing with.
For some reason in my pre-married life, I was a magnet for white republican men in khakis. That was practically all that approached me. However, that was my line in the sand, even in the 1990s. No republicans. If they had an affinity for listening to Rush Limbaugh or thought InfoWars was a great source of unbiased information, I would run. Same for if they enjoyed such things as Fox News and only Fox News. Listen I don’t want to have to deal with listening to that nonsense, much less hear it parroted in my personal spaces. It isn’t a matter of a difference of opinion to me, it’s a matter of my humanity and dignity. I do not have time to spend my days in bed discussing why the false concept of black on black crime is not justification for cops getting away with the murder of black people or explaining that white nationalism is bad for America. I’ve got better things to do with my time.
Be upfront with what you want.
If you don’t feel comfortable at this time dating white men, it’s understandable and that’s ok. If you want to continue to date black men exclusively, do so. No one will guilt you for this. Don’t have folks guilting you for not wanting to date Richard Spencer’s Doppelganger.
In the same vein, ask those tough questions. What are your potential partner’s views on Black Lives Matter, immigration, on pay and housing inequality. Ask these things early to get things out of the way so that you can rest easy no major bumps in the road will happen later on.
Realize interracial dating and relationships do not have to involve white people.
White people can still be completely off the table if you just have trust issues. That’s ok. I get it, you see that red hat and you want to run. You see the red hat has quiet ass friends and family that don’t check him on his racist nonsense. You don’t have to deal with that. There are Asian men, Hispanic men, middle eastern men, and all kinds of races of men that exist in this world. Some of them are interested in dating black women. Focus on them if you want to expand your dating pool.
