The Reality Of The World We Live In Is Giving Me Anxiety

One of the reasons I quit blogging when my child was born was the anxiety. I was seeing the world in a negative light and with the comments my blog received being downright racist and abusive, I just didn’t want to deal with it anymore. It was dehumanizing.

I’m noticing in the world with access to people’s real thoughts as they feel comfortable sharing them while hiding behind a computer screen; people are awful. The idea that people are inherently good is no longer a reality for me. Tied in with the 24 hour news cycle of constant negative information, especially for people of color, and the inability of Facebook and Twitter to keep racism, sexism, and downright abuse off of their platform, I get anxiety.

I’ve learned that as a black women, I am truly alone in this world. White people hate black people. Asian, Hispanic, and middle eastern people hate black people. They say we deserve to get shot. They celebrate our failures, and I’m learning black men don’t like black women.

I used to get annoyed when non black people in real life would share stories about how racist their families were and would want my reaction. Some kind of suffer porn as they shared these stories for no reason except to see my reaction, while not mentioning what they did to resolve the racism they saw firsthand. Because they probably didn’t do anything.

That is Facebook for me right now, except it’s just the whole world sharing awful things for no real reason. I’m guilty of this as well. Most of us are. We need to stop. It’s become too much.

I always knew this, but to be exposed to it on a 24/7 cycle is unnerving.

So I’m giving myself a challenge. An ode to self care. I’m going to leave facebook for two weeks. I’m going to step away from twitter and the news. I’m going to focus on ideas I have for my blog. I’m going to focus “fun things” like discussions about purses. I don’t want to hear anything about Trump, racism, or any other type of awful thing.

I realize it’s selfish and I should be aware of the world, but my problem is I’m too aware. I want to track how I feel about things with and without access to news. Will I still be uptight and anxious as I see once again people informing me my life has less value due to my skin color? Will I stop feeling helpless? These are things I need to learn and understand. I think stepping away from the 24 hour news cycle and politics on social media will give me somewhat of a breather from all the negative things.

Let’s hope anyway.

Hating Black Women, Yet Loving Them At The Same Time: The McClure Twins

I don’t know how many people are aware of this: It’s possible to have an attraction to black people, yet hold racist beliefs about black people.  You can find a black person you find attractive, loving, and perfect for you; yet still have disdain for black people as a whole.  I use Strom Thurmond as a perfect example. A white man who spent his whole political career fighting for segregation while having a half black child who he kept hidden.

Our newest example of this is Justin McClure, the father of the internet famous McClure Twins.  Tweets have resurfaced of his views of black women and black men.   He seems to think black women are ghetto, have awful names, and cannot pronounce simple words.  He thinks black men are incapable of being intellectuals and are animals.

I’ll just provide the screenshots taken and posted on MadameNoire.com from this twitter account:

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There is also an interesting blog post he made about black men….on a black about interracial dating.

“Black and Spanish men lifting weights on the corner don’t even know who Anderson Cooper is, but they hope he buys their new mix tape.”

It seems he is under the impression black men are incapable of being intelligent.

Of course also in the same post, he is under the impression to fix racism we need to just make more mixed children.

Now apparently this highly intellectual white man is a recovering alcoholic and failed comedian. What makes him more of an intellectual than a black man lifting weights?

His blog was about interracial dating, and obviously, he is married to a black woman and has biracial children.  I find it odd he had such disdain for black women, yet his wife is black.   His wife is Nigerian.  It explains a lot.  White people in America love to pretend blacks directly from the continent of Africa are better than regular “American blacks”.  They are smarter, more intelligent, and would never name their kids “Allergies”.

Many Africans have also fallen for this idea.  I suspect his wife is one.  She was fine with him talking about black American women, it probably didn’t bother her, and so she shrugged off his awful behavior.   It’s going to be sad for her when people start lumping her biracial American girls as the same black women he was talking about in those tweets.

There has been an apology made.  The argument made though is “it was the past, so it’s time to move on.”  Some of these were made during a time he was in a relationship with his now wife.  Some of these tweets were made when his children were born.  So has he really changed?  Has his family given him perspective?  Or has his social media career been so focused on his kids and targeting the huge black woman audience that he wants us all to forgive and forget and just focus on the kids?  I also want to add the wife was more concerned about branding “everything racist” and then goes on to imply that he couldn’t be racist because he is married to a black woman and has biracial kids.

Again I will say it: Having a black partner doesn’t absolve you of racism.  Case and point:

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It seems at a minimum it was there just to appease his audience, but really he didn’t want to do it.  If he did he would have deleted those tweets years ago or at least addressed them before he was exposed on Twitter.

Now I admit my patience is thin when it comes to race relations in the United States; however, why is it always expected for black people, in particular, black women to be the bigger people and “move on” from awful, stereotypical rhetoric thrown at them? We are always expected to “get over things” and I know for me personally, I’m done “getting over things”. It’s time to hit these people where it hurts, cut them off and move on to the next cute thing.

Black women need to stop being punching bags and we need to stop supporting the people doing the punching, especially just because they made an exception to their own rules.

Interracial Relationships In The Age of Trump

We’re living in some dark times here in America.  Black folks can’t even mow a lawn or swim in a pool without white people trying to have them thrown in jail.  The current vitriol and hate that permeates our politics have us looking sideways at folks.  I totally get it.   My husband is pretty convinced that if I were single now I probably wouldn’t date a white person and to be fair, I don’t know if I could date a white person in the age of Trump.  We have to look at this rationally though.

We have to remember:

#notallwhitepeople

There are a few ways to navigate interracial relationships and thrive in the relationship and dating world.

Determine what you want in a relationship.

You might be wanting nothing serious so that you are ok with dating a white guy without vetting him because you know good and well you don’t want a relationship with anyone.  He just might be cute. That’s ok.   If you are looking for something more serious, you might want to have some questions you need to ask to see if this would work out for you. The last thing you need is to deal with a man who is going to be ok with your future children being called racial slurs under the guise of building character.  Or not seeing the big deal with they are discriminated against.

Draw your line in the sand for what you are comfortable with dealing with.

For some reason in my pre-married life, I was a magnet for white republican men in khakis. That was practically all that approached me.   However, that was my line in the sand, even in the 1990s. No republicans. If they had an affinity for listening to Rush Limbaugh or thought InfoWars was a great source of unbiased information, I would run.  Same for if they enjoyed such things as Fox News and only Fox News.  Listen I don’t want to have to deal with listening to that nonsense, much less hear it parroted in my personal spaces.   It isn’t a matter of a difference of opinion to me, it’s a matter of my humanity and dignity.  I do not have time to spend my days in bed discussing why the false concept of black on black crime is not justification for cops getting away with the murder of black people or explaining that white nationalism is bad for America. I’ve got better things to do with my time.

Be upfront with what you want.

If you don’t feel comfortable at this time dating white men, it’s understandable and that’s ok.  If you want to continue to date black men exclusively, do so.  No one will guilt you for this. Don’t have folks guilting you for not wanting to date Richard Spencer’s Doppelganger.

In the same vein, ask those tough questions. What are your potential partner’s views on Black Lives Matter, immigration, on pay and housing inequality.  Ask these things early to get things out of the way so that you can rest easy no major bumps in the road will happen later on.

Realize interracial dating and relationships do not have to involve white people.  

White people can still be completely off the table if you just have trust issues.  That’s ok.  I get it, you see that red hat and you want to run.   You see the red hat has quiet ass friends and family that don’t check him on his racist nonsense.   You don’t have to deal with that.  There are Asian men, Hispanic men, middle eastern men, and all kinds of races of men that exist in this world.  Some of them are interested in dating black women.  Focus on them if you want to expand your dating pool.